i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize