Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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