Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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