he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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