Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
