i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
