What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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