FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
NoShamevember. You game?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
