I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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