how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
