so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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