So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
