i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
