it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
