i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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