I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
