Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
