I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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