I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
