my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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