I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
