Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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