My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
