when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
