I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
