I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize