My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
