someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
