Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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