You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
