"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she smelled like a LAN party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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