my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they need to just BURY HIM!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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