Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have aggressive nipples.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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