it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
