If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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