my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
