dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize