3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize