just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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