R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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