Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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