I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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