Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All the doctor said was why
You are a genius and a whore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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