new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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