I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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