You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
