If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
