I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
