How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
