Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
