anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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