Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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