the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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