thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
