You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
