Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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