you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
