apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
