Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
