she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
