My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
