your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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