Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
