Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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