Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
