I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
