Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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