And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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