Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize